Loneliness isn’t about the absence of people. It’s about a lack of understanding. You can be with friends, at a family dinner, in a relationship—and still feel, “I’m not seen. I’m not heard. I’m here, but I’m not.” It’s not your fault. It’s a sign that you’re not connected to yourself.
The first level of loneliness is external. No one really listens to you. You speak, and they respond not to your words, but to your mood. This is painful. But the second level is internal: you don’t listen to yourself. You ignore your feelings, suppress your desires, consider them “stupid.” And then, even if someone comes, you can’t accept them because you don’t believe you deserve to be heard.
The second step is to stop and ask yourself: “What am I feeling right now?” Not “what I should feel.” Not “what’s normal.” But simply—what is. Maybe it’s anger. Maybe it’s fear. Maybe it’s emptiness. Allow this feeling to be. Don’t analyze it. Simply acknowledge its existence. This is the first bridge to yourself.
Third, stop saving others from your loneliness. Many enter into relationships not out of love, but out of a desire to “stop being alone.” But this is a trap. You become attached not to the person, but to your hope: “Now I’m not alone.” And when the person doesn’t live up to this hope, you feel betrayed. But they were just being themselves. And you were looking for salvation.
Fourth, loneliness is not an enemy. It’s a signal. It says, “You’ve abandoned yourself.” It doesn’t demand you find someone else. It asks: come back to yourself. Take time to be quiet. Take a walk without your phone. Write a letter to yourself. Not for publication, but for communication.
