Fifth, learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility. Guilt says, “I’m bad.” Responsibility says, “I made a choice and I’m ready to bear the consequences.” “Good” people live in the grip of guilt. Free people live in the space of responsibility.
Sixth, your “no” is a gift to others. When you say “yes” out of fear, you’re not giving love—you’re giving resentment, hidden politeness, and inner resistance. But when you say “no” honestly, you give clarity, and this helps others understand you better and build honest relationships with you.
Seventh, start keeping a “honesty journal.” Every evening, ask yourself: “Where was I myself today? Where was I pretending?” Don’t judge. Just notice. In a month, you’ll see patterns—and you’ll be able to consciously choose when to be yourself.
Eighth, “good” isn’t your essence. It’s a defense. You learned to be “good” to survive in your family, at school, in society. It was necessary. But now you’re an adult. And you can allow yourself to be not “good,” but alive.
Ninth, allow yourself to be “imperfect.” Not all your words will be wise. Not all your decisions will be right. And that’s okay. A living person makes mistakes. A “good” person doesn’t. And it’s precisely in mistakes, in weaknesses, in awkwardness, that true intimacy is born.
Tenth, being yourself doesn’t mean being selfish. It means being honest. And when you stop being “good,” you won’t lose love. You’ll gain self-trust. And without this trust, no love can endure. Because you can’t give what you don’t have. Start with yourself. Simply be.
